MEDITATION // Sharing my personal experiences

22 April 2015

Today was the first day of The Reveal Your Inner Radiance meditation series that I am doing by Claire Obeid.
I've been a follower of Claire's blog for years but it was only the other day that I felt pulled to do this meditation series.

I chose the series that focuses on making peace and healing. It's designed for those who feel called to cleanse, release + let go of anything that no longer serves, for those who feel that it’s time to get grounded and come back to their peaceful centre.

Basically it was a HELL YES from me.

Even though yoga has taken a bit of a back bench position in my daily life lately, meditation and mindfulness is my religion. It's a non-negotiable in my day, even if it's just for a few minutes.

"A daily meditation practice can help you to feel the way you want to feel. To live the way you deserve to live. To experience joy from the inside out." 
- Claire Obeid

I thought it would be nice to share some extracts from my meditation journal in the name of transparency & openness. I get asked a lot about my meditation practice and lots of people have this idea that meditation is clearing the mind completely, relaxing into a state of total bliss immediately and the end result is floating around on cloud nine for the rest of the day/week/lifetime. 

My response is always the same. That could not be further from the truth. And I suppose sharing my journal is my way of sharing my experience with it... 
Oh my my my, it proved rather difficult for me to settle in tonight. So. Much. Resistance. Thoughts about this and that and that and this swirling breath was short and I felt dizzy. Real my aura and energy field was swirling from side to side. 

Not judging how I was feeling though was the path to stillness...or at least more stillness! Letting these feelings & thoughts float through me helped me to settle in and connect to Claire's speakings of bliss and grounding. I started to connect with feeling like a watcher of my thoughts and my teachings from all of my past teachers started to ping up in front of me. 

I felt the energy of water at times, the feeling of things flowing past me...the changing of was just a feeling but I really miss being by the sea. Looking forward to Cornwall and spending days in the sea with loved ones. 

Toward the closing of the meditation I really did feel bliss. I really did feel connected. 

Today I'm grateful for the sunshine, for the coming of spring and the newness that this time of year brings. Showing compassion to myself in my meditation practice today when it felt like it went to shit at the beginning. Gratitude for the fresh flowers that we have around the flat at the moment. Gratitude for the gratitude expressed by my boss. For the love that Ben and I have, for Goblin and our gorgeous wonderful homely home. 

The intention that I choose to set this evening is...being kind to myself. For not judging my lack of yoga teaching as 'failure', for viewing it as something that comes and goes like the tides...I am planning on practicing my teaching the next few weeks and starting small and cosy classes in my home. My intention is to be present with this thought as time passes. Today my unconscious intention was to spend some time outside looking up at the be a witness to magical Mother Nature. 

Experiencing bliss is feeling at home in my body. Experiencing my life and the world around me in a mindful and wondrous way. Feeling and bringing the light. Returning to it when I am feeling the darkness. Trusting that the Universe is always supporting me. Coming home to a place of love. 

The repetitive thoughts in my mind that get in the way of bliss are that I am a failure for not teaching the past six months, for dipping into the darkness and this being a reflection of my not-enoughness. The thoughts that I'm fat because I have put on some weight, the thoughts that this matters because society tells me that being skinny = happiness. The thoughts that my external world create the stillness that I feel on my internal world. 
I hope sharing my experience might help at least someone. I would love to hear your experiences of meditation so please share or email me if you would prefer. 

Remember... meditation is a practice. There is no end goal. The journey is the goal.

Namaste x

p.s details on Claire's course can be found here. Her meditations are beautiful & come highly recommended. 

Some late night musings about Oneness & Unity

13 April 2015

The places I find myself on the internet always make me smile.

This evening as I was looking for Prayers to the Goddess Laki, I came across the Witches of The Craft website and The Ordains (The Witches Laws)...

A few of them really struck a cord and I thought it might be nice to share them here.

"Watch, listen and withhold judgment; in debate let your silences be long, your thoughts clear and your words carefully chosen"

"Witches know that we are all one, we are all connected"

"Witches realize that the energy created through worship and rituals manifests as a circular stream of positive energy"

These kind of truths are everywhere.

This's all the same message in different forms, from different people, from different schools of thought.
I am a Witch. 
I am a Goddess. 

It feels like a sublime approach to opening up to the world.
We are all one. 

Deep Exhale. 

image 1 2 3 

A weekend in Portsmouth..

10 April 2015

Last  August a big group of us went to Portsmouth for the weekend. I'd completely forgotten that I even had this post in my drafts which is why you are seeing it now...not that it matters! 

Here's to more weekends like this in 2015!! 

Thoughts on 2015 so far and lessons learnt

9 April 2015

The clocks have gone forward, the sun has been shining and it's nearly the weekend again. Spring has sprung and oh boy am I ready for it. 

The past few weeks have been horrendous and I've not been doing so well. 

I was listening to a Gabby Bernstein podcast and she mentioned a quote from A Course In Miracles that deeply resonated with me... 

“The presence of fear is a sure sign that we’re relying on our own strength.”

I've relied on my own strength to get me through, which although sounds like it would be a good thing, it really isn't. I've strong armed and controlled how I should be feeling, how I should be reacting, how I think I should be showing up. I've been horrible to myself and spoken to myself in ways that I haven't done in a long time. I've lacked faith in the Universe, in the way that things have unfolded. I've been fearful of just about everything. 

In essence.. I've been brought to my knees. 

Exhausted, sad and living in that place of fear and darkness. 

The lesson has been tough to learn but divine and loving too. 

The light has broken through (it ALWAYS DOES) and I now feel secure enough, supported enough and strong enough in my faith to share what I've learnt. 
I've learnt that surrender and trust might always feel sticky and uncomfortable. Which is why it's called a practice. 

I've learnt that certain situations might always be triggers for my story and coming back to my Higher Self, a place of truth, through my practice of yoga and meditation allows me to get space from the stories my ego creates.

I've learnt that I want to be seen and accepted but I may never get the approval that I thought I needed .and at the end of the day placing this need on the actions and approval of others is only my ego. 

Coming to terms with this will be a lifetime practice. 

I've learnt that I can be terrible at managing & protecting my energy levels when so much grief, pain and heartache is flying around. 

I've learnt a different level of love for Ben these past few months. 

I have some incredible friends... Alex, Sam, Harriet, Laura, Robyn... you all mean the world to me. 

I am a highly sensitive person. And I'm fucking proud of that. 
I am imperfect.
I am hopeful.
I am human.
And at the end of it all it's the journey that matters. 
Namaste xx

The sky above.

2 April 2015

Because I don't think there is anything quite as beautiful as the clouds in the sky...Happy Easter x