Thoughts on 2015 so far and lessons learnt

9 April 2015

The clocks have gone forward, the sun has been shining and it's nearly the weekend again. Spring has sprung and oh boy am I ready for it. 

The past few weeks have been horrendous and I've not been doing so well. 

I was listening to a Gabby Bernstein podcast and she mentioned a quote from A Course In Miracles that deeply resonated with me... 

“The presence of fear is a sure sign that we’re relying on our own strength.”

I've relied on my own strength to get me through, which although sounds like it would be a good thing, it really isn't. I've strong armed and controlled how I should be feeling, how I should be reacting, how I think I should be showing up. I've been horrible to myself and spoken to myself in ways that I haven't done in a long time. I've lacked faith in the Universe, in the way that things have unfolded. I've been fearful of just about everything. 

In essence.. I've been brought to my knees. 

Exhausted, sad and living in that place of fear and darkness. 

The lesson has been tough to learn but divine and loving too. 

The light has broken through (it ALWAYS DOES) and I now feel secure enough, supported enough and strong enough in my faith to share what I've learnt. 
I've learnt that surrender and trust might always feel sticky and uncomfortable. Which is why it's called a practice. 

I've learnt that certain situations might always be triggers for my story and coming back to my Higher Self, a place of truth, through my practice of yoga and meditation allows me to get space from the stories my ego creates.

I've learnt that I want to be seen and accepted but I may never get the approval that I thought I needed .and at the end of the day placing this need on the actions and approval of others is only my ego. 

Coming to terms with this will be a lifetime practice. 

I've learnt that I can be terrible at managing & protecting my energy levels when so much grief, pain and heartache is flying around. 

I've learnt a different level of love for Ben these past few months. 

I have some incredible friends... Alex, Sam, Harriet, Laura, Robyn... you all mean the world to me. 

I am a highly sensitive person. And I'm fucking proud of that. 
I am imperfect.
I am hopeful.
I am human.
And at the end of it all it's the journey that matters. 
Namaste xx

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