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Dealing with my fears, a brilliant evening and a few reflections...

29 August 2013

Last night was intense. 
I spent the evening learning all about abundance and wealth manifesting at a speaking event with the gorgeous Denise Duffield-Thomas (author of Get Rich, Lucky Bitch). It was a hell of an evening for me... I met new people, jotted down pretty much everything that resonated with me - which was pages and pages of juicy insights, had tonnes of a-ha moments regarding my own hefty money blocks and amongst the laughter, occasional fear and inspired tingles there were tears. Lots of tears. Because sometimes all of this self-development stuff is hard. It's icky, uncertain, full of introspection and sometimes plain overwhelming. 
And when I get overwhelmed I cry.
So I journaled all of my shit out on the page and just sat with it. Let it sink in and then walked it off. When I got home I had one of those "let's stay in the shower until I turn into a prune" kinda showers and then talked all my fears out with Ben snuggled up in our bed. With more tears of course. 
This morning when I woke up I felt different, shifted. 

I will not let fear run my show anymore.
My fears are there to teach and protect me; they bring precious information about what's best for me but fear does NOT manage me. I lead my fears and I am worthy of my desires.
 
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
- Khalil Gibran

So today has been a good day. I even fell back in love with London a little on my walk home from work which just sweetened everything a little more. 
And that's all I have for today, reflection over. 

Oh how I miss you Amsterdam!

28 August 2013

I'm currently dealing with some major holiday blues guys. Amsterdam was INCREDIBLE. In a nutshell it was one of the best holidays I have ever been on. Like ever. It stole my heart in one swift swoop which means London has to do some serious catching up to do.
 
We spent five days having the most amazing time; we hung out in some gorgeous restaurants and watched the world go by, we slept in and ordered room service, we smoked in the famous Amsterdam Coffeeshops, we spent hours wandering around all of the different districts pointing out our dream houses (there are much too many of them - I got tired of listening to my gasps!), we enjoyed a fair few "space brownies" (now there is a story for another time), we explored and marvelled at the very bizarre Red Light District, we laughed non stop and we spent quality time together away from our real lives.
 
It was the best five days of this year so far.
 
As per usual, I took about a gazillion photos and have only managed so far to put them on the laptop and pick the ones I like (I'm blaming the holiday blues), but when I do manage to sort them out properly I will share my favourite snaps and places to visit in this amazing city.
 
I'm already looking at my diary to book in our next trip there.
Or maybe I might just up and move there already? Ben, that sound okay with you?

My wishlist of things that I wish for.. you know the kind!

21 August 2013

Every year when it comes round to my birthday I keep an extra eye out for things to add to my birthday wish list that I really hope Ben will stumble across and buy everything on it. There are a few flaws to my plan though. Firstly, I haven't ever actually written the list down (whoops). Secondly, I can hint as much as I like but being a man he just isn't receptive to hints like women are. Thirdly, unfortunately at the moment we don't have enough money (thanks London rent prices) to buy everything on my list.
So what I have decided to do is put to together this mish mash of wishes in the hope that if I start now, maybe the (very obvious) hints would have dropped for Christmas.
I can only hope!

I saw this gorgeous DAB radio in John Lewis on my lunch the other day and I was like a moth to a flame. It would go so perfectly in our kitchen. We are forever lugging the laptop in and plonking it on top of the microwave so we can listen to music while we are cooking so to have something that pretty (I love something pretty and useful) sitting in there already would be a dream!

I pretty much love all jewellery by Astley Clarke but especially this delicate and simple silver bracelet. It caught my eye whilst I was having a look around for my sister's 21st birthday present earlier on in the year but I decided that I was looking at it because I really liked it as opposed to something that she would love!

Although I already have a Ted Baker purse I have been looking to get a more compact everyday version that isn't as heavy as my big long one! When I discovered that Ted Baker do the same style purse but in a smaller version I nearly snapped it up then and there! I love this particular purse with the gorgeous pastel outside and vibrant green lining, it might just encourage me to carry around a few less cards!

I love a good pattern and this IKEA cushion is doing it for me at the moment. As much as a cushion can that is! It would look perfect as a new edition on our sofa when we move again next year. As we don't really have a colour theme in our flat we tend to go for simple furniture pieces that we can inject colour into with pieces like this. Oh colourful flat be mine!!

Ben? You're welcome. Just take this along to with you come Christmas and I promise I will make you Christmas dinner!!

A mixed bag but stuff to look forward to!

19 August 2013

My weekend was a bit of a mixed bag:
 
Starting Friday night out with the girls at McDonalds? Winning decision right there.
 Spending the rest of the night laughing and catching up? Winning some more.
Pilates the next morning followed by a mani & pedi? Perfect.
Watching the worlds scariest film Saturday night? Not so much... me, Ben and Alex squealed like little girls throughout the whole thing.
Spending some time going through all of my memory box stuff and discovering some fantastic gems? Priceless. Begs the question though..what on earth am I doing with my face?
Watching the football with the boys Sunday afternoon? Dead boring. I did however drink a few cups of herbal tea and lots of cucumber water whilst at the pub though which I was pretty happy about.
Hunting for Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia ice cream later that afternoon and having to settle with a twister? Not impressed.
Meeting this handsome guy on said ice cream hunt? Adorable.
Having to do three hours of ironing Sunday afternoon? I really would have rather been watching football. But having these two there to keep me company? Much better.
 
So as you can see, it was a pretty mixed experience...but as of 5pm today I am on holiday for seven shiny days AND it's my birthday tomorrow!!
 
Tomorrow we are heading back home to Essex for a family meal to celebrate me turning 24 (eek!) and then bright and early Wednesday morning me and Ben are off to Amsterdam for 5 days, so if you have any recommendations anything to do while we are there please do comment away!!!

What you should know about my world today PLUS a brilliant video!

16 August 2013

There are a few things you should know about my world today:

1. I am RIDICULOUSLY emotional. Thanks hormones.

2. I have cried THREE times today, and it's not even 3pm. Way to go Nicola.
I cried first when the bus driver was mean to me because my oyster card wouldn't work so I had to walk to work in the pouring rain. Without an umbrella.
I then cried again half an hour later when the guy at the ticket office told me that my oyster wasn't working because the machine had updated my card from last Friday and not on Monday like I had requested it to which meant I was completely out of money. This would have been okay if I had my purse on me to top up said fucking card. Which of course on a day like this I hadn't.
The most recent bout of tears came when I was on the phone to Ben after my physio appointment and I was snappy and emotional about some of my health problems and couldn't get a hold of myself.

3. I'm bored. Like SERIOUSLY bored. And have been ALL WEEK. Work has been so quiet this week that I can literally feel my brain cells slipping away from me.

4. I miss my family.

But you know what? Shit stuff happens. Real life happens. And it's only what I make of it that matters, I can only control how I respond to it all. And if I want to respond with tears then that's how I will respond. I'm gonna chalk today up as one of those "taught me a few lessons days" and move on.

Plus, after watching this I'm starting to feel a whole lot better about everything....
Happy Friday!!

Three years and one day.

14 August 2013

That's how long I have known Ben for.
And that picture up there was taken the night that we met.

Friday 13th August 2010 / Girls night out in Hoxton / Copious amounts of wine consumed
I walked straight over to 'the cutie by the DJ booth who can dance', took his glasses off and gave him mine. I then said hello and we realised we had the same prescription. We chatted (about what I haven't a clue), we danced, we kissed and we drunkenly arranged a 'proper date' at my request.
Our first date lasted hours. We had our first sober(ish) kiss on the escalators at Clapham South and he lent me his favourite jumper for my walk home.
A week later on my birthday and after a big "family and best friends only kinda" meal in Hoxton he met my Mum and my best friend Richard. Rich had been notoriously hard to please in the past when it came to my boyfriends (in hindsight he was ALWAYS spot on) so when he said "oh wow Nic, I actually really like this one" it was game on for me. I had to make this one work.
Three years one day and quite a few hiccups later (mostly my fault I must add) here we are.
Every single day I am thankful that I walked right up to him in that sweaty East London bar and grabbed his glasses straight off his face. Every single day.
So thank you Ben for putting up with me and all my crazy.
Love you xxx

Sunday evening playtime and some funnies.

13 August 2013

On Sunday evening we went for THE MOST AMAZING PIZZA IN STREATHAM with Claire and Simon.
(Unfortunately we scoffed all of said delicious food before I even thought to take pictures and write down the name of the place...which just means that we will have to go back again!!)
After dinner we popped back to theirs so that they could lend me one of their OH MY GAWD THIS FEELS AWESOME foam rollers (simular here).
In no time at all Ben had found a way to make the foam roller into some kind of toy:
We then discovered that if you put it to the other persons ear and speak quietly into it, it magnifies the sound and you can whisper and then graduate onto singing little songs to each other without anyone else on the bus knowing.
Oh the excitement.
 
In other (much more interesting) news here are some of the funniest things I have seen pop up around the internet lately:
 
When someone says they are so glad they don't live in London:

When I’m taking a picture on my phone and accidentally click the reverse camera mode:
I have watched this Vine about 40 times and it STILL makes me giggle. Please take 6 seconds and watch it, it is so brilliant!
 
Anyway, this evening it looks like Ben is working really late so any suggestions of what I should settle down to watch after I have done my yoga? I was thinking maybe to keep watching The Mill or Southcliffe ?? Any others?

A rather bizarre monday morning.

12 August 2013

Today didn't start well. 
Because today started at 4:30am when Goblin decided it would be a great idea to play with all of my jewellery. After booting him off the dresser I got straight back into bed and expected to fall straight back to sleep. I wish. After laying there wide-eyed for 30 minutes I was in tears. The frustration filled black knot in my stomach kept growing and growing. I could not switch off my thoughts, they just kept running round and round, round and round. 

Then something changed: I realised that I am the one in control here. In that split second I saw my day could go two ways: the shitty way or the happy way. 
I wanted a good Monday.
Intention set: clarity gained. 
So I put myself in this yoga position and I meditated. 
Yup, all snuggled up in bed at 5am I meditated to come back to myself, to put myself in a place where I didn't have that ugly black knot anymore. I won't go too yogi on you, but the power of the breath really is something.
At about 6am I got up, put this music on and got myself ready for work. I left at 7am and prepared myself for the usual busy trains; kindle out, iPod on, bottle of water in hand. 
And you know what? This happened:
In the four or five years I have commuted I have never EVER been greeted by a completely empty train. I checked my phone no less than four times to make sure that it wasn't Sunday and I hadn't just made a total cock-up. 
Nope, it definitely was Monday morning. No cock-ups here. 
Instead, the universe had my back. I settled into my seat as ease and happiness settled over me. 
When I got to Victoria station, it was practically empty. 
I was gobsmacked. 
I practically floated to work. 
Sometimes the biggest shifts happen for me on days like this. When they are least expected. 

A few weeks ago I had quickly jotted down an affirmation that I like and tacked it to my computer at work, but it was only today that I realised that I truly believe in it:

I know that the Universe is working with me to provide me with my dreams.

I experienced a shift this morning at 5am and it resonated through my entire day. The mindset of abundance is a powerful one. 

You are shaped by your thoughts, you become what you think.

Choose abundance. Choose to believe that the Universe has your back. Choose love. Choose to smile. Choose to be grateful. Choose the present moment. 

This is my kind of Friday / Wanderlust and dreaming

9 August 2013

Today I have been feeling really good (yay!) and when I feel really good I tend to spend quite a lot of the day dreaming about the future, the possibilities that it holds, the adventures that I will take, the things I will accomplish, the people I will meet....
So I thought I would share what this is all shaping up to look like in my head:
All images found here

Isn't it gorgeous?
Yoga outside with a view. Meditation. Quietness. Expansion. Happiness and smiles. Nature and it's wonders. Adventure. Openness. The cool air of Autumn. Dreams. Serenity. But most of all...that gorgeous feeling that anything is possible. Because it really is. All it takes is crystal clear clarity, trust and faith in yourself and above all, staying true to what your heart really desires.
So if you need me, I will be here, scheming and dreaming away till my heart feels content.
Have a lovely weekend all you very gorgeous people!!

Long time, no see!

7 August 2013

Wow, it has felt like a really long time since I last sat down to write here that I am actually a little nervous about it. This post has that "new scary feeling" scribbled all over it but I am just going to plough straight through that and get cracking. I am going to begin with a list as lists are firmly planted within my comfort zone and my comfort zone is where I would like to stay:
 
1. I haven't been very well these past two weeks (hence the radio silence) BUT I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. Yippee. I don't want this space to become one where I natter on and on about my health hiccups but in a nut shell I have been suffering with really severe headaches and because of my meds to help these headaches, really low blood pressure. Thankfully my blood pressure is much more normal now but more than anything I find this whole thing super frustrating. I am working really hard to be healthier, correct my posture, become stronger and keep stress to a minimum but you know, I have come to learn that this is a part of my life and I must deal with it the best way that I can. I need to own this and I need to listen to what my body is telling me. Treatment is currently consisting of a lot of cuddles with Goblin and Ben, lots of yoga and meditation, a well balanced diet, twice weekly acupuncture and trying to be as stress free as possible.
 
2. I have found my new favourite place to go on my lunch break:
Although I am not a very religious person I hold a special place in my heart for churches. Every time I enter one it takes me right back to being a child and being taken to Church with my Oma for Sunday Mass. Churches and museums (but more on that later) are where I go to be still and peaceful, to connect with myself and to take fifteen minutes in the middle of the day to meditate. I haven't found a spot in London as quiet as this one and I always walk out of there more calm than I was when I went in.
 
3. I have a SERIOUS thing for strawberries and frozen vanilla yogurt at the moment. Oh Summer, stay for ever?
 
4. I have been reading and loving this today. Forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. Juicy stuff.
 
5. A few weekends ago Ben and I took a trip to the V&A Museum.
We have a members card so were able to wander in and out of the exhibitions, but it was this (pictured above) that stole my heart this time round.
I hope you are all well and I cannot wait to catch up on all of your blogs! My bloglovin is telling me I have ALOT of catching up to do so I better be off!