This post was actually the one I was most looking forward to writing, but when it came down to getting all that icky stuff I need to let go of down in words I stumbled and tripped up. Over and over. Which is partly why this post is coming a day late. But also because so much of it is deeply raw still and really private, but here goes.. React to this term; Letting Go.
I have been learning to let go of my "stuff" through forgiveness.
Forgiveness creates space.
Space to receive, space to grow, space to move forward.
And let me quickly just say that by forgiving people or myself I am not saying that what they or I did was right, I am simply saying that I am done with letting the hurt live inside my heart. Nothing good can come if I am holding on to the painful parts of my past.
I am forgiving and letting go.
I am forgiving myself for some of the terrible decisions and reckless things I have done in the past. (the details of which I won't share). I'm only human and these moments in my past have taught me some valuable lessons and brought me to here. And here is exactly where I should be. I'm perfectly imperfect and very proud of the woman that I am.
I am forgiving myself and my ex-boyfriend for staying in a relationship that was utterly toxic for as long as we did. We were both completely accountable for the horrible things we did and said to each other. It may have looked peachy on the outside but on the inside it was rotten, right from the beginning. I have chosen to not blame anyone for this situation. And I am done having this relationship affect parts of my life today.
I am forgiving my body for not always working as it "should do". There is no good to come from being frustrated, ashamed and disrespectful to my body when I am not well. My body may well be "bockity" but I will accept it for what it is and listen when it is trying to tell me something.
Repeat: I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
I think I will leave the rest for my journal...