I love London. It's my home. My place. The resting outer space of my soul. I will never not love London but lately I've started to feel a change taking place with how I feel about it. A subtle shift in what I'm looking to have more of in my life. What I really desire.
More space. More fresh air. More outdoors. More silence.
And all those things? They don't exactly flow with abundance here in London.
It's been a fleeting sense of claustrophobia that I've been feeling. The over crowding, the pollution, the rudeness, the rushing. It impacts slowly and subtly over time. And it's been nearly five years now. I'm feeling the impact. More and more.
Don't get me wrong, I still get those moments of awe-struck wonderment looking out over the twinkling city on my way home and I really do feel so incredibly lucky.
But it doesn't feel enough anymore. I used to feel that wonderment all the time. Now I just want to have more space. Space, space. It always come back to space.
More space to explore, to take walks, to feel the quiet. What a dream it would be to be able to practice yoga outside...not to be disturbed by a busy main road, honking horns, commuters on their morning runs, foxes scavenging in bin bags. To just be and move in the quiet.
But London will be in our story for a few years yet. It fits for now, it fits us just fine. It's where I need to explore the next chapter of my life; teaching yoga, writing, building my dream from the ground up, spending time with Ben before a family comes along.
The unease, that disquieting feeling I get... it's definitely there to remind me what I am aiming for. And aim I will.