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Biscuits in space : a life update

30 September 2013

Ben asked me to name this post "biscuits in space". So that's precisely what I've done. I couldn't resist. 
Moving on. 
I'm sitting here snuggled up on the couch enjoying my sixth hot toddy of the last two days and although it is doing nothing for my head cold or extremely stuffy nose, it's going a long way to help me emotionally. Much like eating the last of the chocolate we had in the house earlier.
Anyway, back to the point...these last few weeks I've been thinking about my edges. Where I end and where others begin. What's my business and what's their business. Where I create my boundaries, how I enforce them and how I protect myself. Earlier this year I had no idea these types of edges even existed. Sas and I talked about them in most of our sessions and seems I am still trying to get a hold of them. It's exhausting and I realised today over emails with close friends that I am exhausted. I'm tired of it all and when I feel like this I withdraw. I crave peace, isolation, quietness and time at home. It's like a hibernation that I go through...a subtle withdrawal to give myself time to figure out what I am actually feeling about all of these messy and complicated happenings. 

And all that is totally okay and I'm going slowly and gently with myself (I promise) but I seem to back away from this space first and that upsets me. I've put things off (hello holiday posts), my commenting has been sparse at very best and I've been keeping lots (and lots) of posts in drafts. But I'm working on it. I love this blog of mine and over the next few weeks I'm going to try slowly and gently get back into it all. 

Navigating all of this 'stuff' is tricky and prickly but like I said... slowly and gently does it and I am in no rush.

I think it's about time for my seventh hot toddy, what do ya think? 

6 comments :

  1. What's one more hot toddy? I just like saying it :) you're a beautiful soul, keep on this path towards a peaceful mind, i myself am on a journey of my own, so i can thoroughly relate to your words. Sending you lots of positivity, my dear.

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  2. I'm glad you are sorting through it all slowly and gently and taking care of yourself at the same time, that is the most important thing. I think it's understandable that blogging is one of the first things you back away from, and that's ok because "real life" always needs to come first and this space isn't going anywhere and will be here for you when you feel ready to ease yourself back in.
    I meant want I said in the email, always. xxx

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  3. What is a hot toddy? Am I missing something big?

    I'm totally one for going into my shell when I'm not completely happy, I've found myself wishing for quiet weekends, where I just sit and do things for myself rather than having the energy to be present when entertaining. I blame a lot of it on being unhappy with where I live, something that never fails to niggle at the back of my head.

    I look forward to seeing the posts which are stored in draft - but don't rush them! This is just internet life xxx

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  4. I've definitely found that reverting inward and having some time alone is what I do when I need to sort things out. I need to give myself space away from other people, otherwise I can't concentrate and figure out what I need or what's important. I think it's good that we can rely on ourselves for that comfort, and I'm glad that you're starting to get back into a better place, keep your head up!

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  5. Aw, Nic. I withdraw too when I'm going through things, so I totally understand. Sometimes it's hard to write about things when you're not even sure what you're going through and how to deal with. Hope you're feeling better!

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  6. Hope you had that 7th hot toddy?! I can recommend a great book called Migrations to Solitude. It's basically about the importance of time out and privacy for ourselves and how we are losing that ability in this fast paced world we live in. Bearing in mind I got this book 20 years ago you can imagine how much worse this fast paced world has become in those two decades! x

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