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Reflection, journals and a silly picture.

25 June 2013

The past few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster around these parts and I am really struggling to plant my feet firmly in the ground. My head has been trying to figure out how to create stillness, balance, expansion, freedom and love in my life, but all this striving and searching has left me feeling confused and VERY inadequate. Not enough. Not worthy.
Juices to drink, emails to be replied to, yoga to practice, chinese herbs to take, 8 hours sleep to clock, books to re-read, forgiveness work to be done, Fire Starter Sessions to work through, time to be spent with Ben and my friends, time to be spent by myself.
Most of this usually feels organic, natural and heartfelt, but at the moment it feels a little more like an obligation. I need space and a little time.
Which is why when I woke up this morning nearly in tears I decided to read through my journals from these past six months on the way to work. My journals are not the typical "dear diary" journals where I bitch and moan about everything and anything (although we have all been there and done that!!) ...instead they have been the place where I write down any inspirational quotes that I find, snippets of happiness in my day, the deepest things that I struggle with, my favourite daily affirmations, lists of the things I am truly grateful for (gratitude lists are my favourite). These journals have become my sacred place of freedom and space where I can wildly dream and explore and this morning they brought me slowly back to feeling enough. To feeling like I belong. To feeling that everything I am doing really is leading me towards the life of my dreams.
These past six months I have become so much more aware of myself and how my energy and feelings can shift, change, expand and contract with just the smallest of happenings. I am more aware of which thoughts I need to believe in and which thoughts I need to let go of. I am more aware of how I am treating myself and how I am treating those I love. I am more aware of my body than I have EVER been.
This is what is refreshing but exhausting. I can't un-know these things and I certainly won't ignore them.
I suppose this post was just my way of saying that I am surrendering. I am going to take it easy this week and simply see what happens. SPACE is what I am creating.
 

10 comments :

  1. you are enough. do you, girl. :) xx

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  2. Anonymous25 June, 2013

    I love the idea of keeping a journal to help me cultivate gratitude and job xx

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  3. I love the idea of a positive diary, a place to keep track of happiness and gratitude. Mine is definitely the bitch & moan type!

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  4. Haha, love that last photo of you and Ben!! These things take time but you will get there :) enjoy taking it easy for the week! xx

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  5. Great idea having diaries like that to flick through when you need a bit of a boost. Hope things calm down for you soon, just put as much energy as you can into doing things especially for you :)
    Kaz at Sunshine Days x

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  6. Ooh I need one of those diaries ! I love these photos :)
    http://myfroley.blogspot.com

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  7. I think your journals sound absolutely wonderful, it must be amazing to have something so inspirational to flick through at times when you most need to <3

    Jennie xo | sailorjennie.com

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  8. Sounds like a great idea, your journals. I have dipped into this every so often and it does make me feel better.

    Sarabeth
    Life of an Agnostic Sunday School Teacher

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  9. You need to adopt a mantra girl, and it needs to be *I AM ENOUGH* Whenever you feel you are 'failing' in your self care or things are getting on top of you or you feel you just haven't done enough or given enough. Stop, take a deep breath and repeat your mantra. No matter how much yoga you do, green tea you sup, forgiveness you give/offer, there will just be those days which are *meh* It is that (sometimes) nasty little thing called life which just gets in the way. You rock! Don't forget it! x

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