Just wanted to pop in to say....

25 December 2013

One more sleep!

24 December 2013

And just like's Christmas Eve!
This will probably be my last post of 2013 and before I head off I just want to say a huge THANK YOU to you all. I love having this space here to reflect, be funny, hash things out, be not so funny sometimes, journal and post embarrassing pictures of my sister. It really has become a part of me and I am so THANKFUL that I have made real and true friends from that once fleeting thought that I would like to maybe have one of those "blog things" one day.

Merry Christmas, go easy, have fun and see you next year!!


18 December 2013

For Ben. Always.

Cold and flu tablets. Over this cold already.

Mince pies. Warm, drenched with rich brandy cream.

Ben's patience when we're watching the extended Lord of the Rings films for the fourth or fifth time and I am STILL asking what the fuck is going on.

The anticipation of seeing the second Hobbit film on Saturday. Butterflies already.

Working with my best friend, Sylwia. So very thankful for having her in my life.

Family. Family. Family. Precious family.

2013. Because it's been full of evolution and struggles and laughs and tears. Lots of tears. And every time I cry I feel connection to myself. And connection is something I am VERY thankful for.

Goblin. Oscar. Lolly. 

Yoga. Because I honestly feel that this year it really saved me.

My sister. Because without her I wouldn't be getting all of those nervous butterflies in my tummy about my training in February. And I will never forget her support.

False nails. I am done with having horrible ugly nibbled fingers. I don't even give a shit they aren't real. I will settle with false but not nibbled any day.

Being able to take a step back from this blogging thing for a while and it not feeling like a huge deal. Winding down for a while is actually feeling pretty darn good. Snuggling with Ben and Goblin on the sofa is trumping blogging and I am soooooo okay with that.

For all of you.

image via here

A few little thoughts

12 December 2013

artwork via the wonderfully talented Susan Vera Clarke.

Thinking: Four day weekends should be standard. Especially ones spent in CentreParcs with family.

Happening now: Bum on sofa, Christmas tree twinkling, eating a mince pie and watching a film.

Wearing: Leggings. Of course. 

Happening in about two hours: Late night bedtime yoga to help me sleep nice and deep. 

Considering: Taking this blogging thing easy until 2014. Keeping things flexible and easy you know? If I wanna blog, if I feel that creative twang, then I will run with it, if not, well then I won't. No structure, no biggy. Freedom to move through the end of the year however I like!

No stretchy pants to be found here

11 December 2013

On Saturday night we headed out for drinks in Clapham for a friends birthday. I decided that I'd stick with my standard black outfit. Black underwear, black tights, black dress, black gangster shoes and my black coat. I added the purple bag as my token colour of the night.
In my opinion, you really just can't go wrong with black at this time of year.
As I've been spending all of my free time in stretchy yoga leggings it was definitely a shock to the system to be prancing (read: swaggering) around in a posh outfit for the night.
In other news... we're flat hunting.
It's taken over my fucking life. I haven't stepped on my mat for more than 15 minutes since Saturday and it's beginning to show. I'm dreaming about flats, speaking to about a gazillion estate agents at any one time, going over budgets,  google mapping all over the place, checking transport links, filling out forms. It really is endless.
But we'll get there in the end. And it'll be glorious I'm sure. Expensive too. Because moving is always expensive.
Wish me luck!

NSFW - Probably the best Christmas cards I've ever sent

10 December 2013

The Christmas season can get pretty stressful if you'll let it.
All the family drama, the eating too many chocolate covered marshmallows, the 'blogmas' stuff I see going around (who in their right mind would add to the stress of Christmas by writing about it every day? no thanks), the money stress, the present buying. The list is endless.
This year though I made a promise to myself (and to Ben) that I was going to let it be easy.
Super easy, super stress free, super fun and super full of laughs.
I also promised myself that I would try not to eat too much chocolate however I think we all know that's not going to happen.  
Step one of my plan was to jump up and down giggling and whooping when the gorgeous Alexandra contacted me to ask if I wanted to receive some of her personally designed cards.
Yes pur-leeeassse.
Aren't they amazing??
Now... go get yourself off to her lovely etsy shop (here), giggle away to yourself, stuff yourself silly with chocolate and mulled wine while you write out your perfectly printed and luxurious cards and spread some Christmas love. It's a winning Christmas combo ya know.
You're welcome.

15 things I loved about last weekend

6 December 2013

1. Selfies with the family.
2. The Bury St Edmunds Christmas Fayre. So Christmassy.

3. Pancake balls. I'll say that again for you... PANCAKE BALLS. With strawberries and melted chocolate. Holy shit balls.
4. Trying on animal hats with Tash because we're really cool like that.
5. Sean, my sisters boyfriend. He's a total sweetie.
6. This guy.
7. Having a delicious dinner made for us when we got home from the fayre. Thanks Sean!!
8. Payday. Probably the best board game ever.
(Side note: the fact that I had THE WORST LUCK whilst playing this game meant that there were nearly tears from me at one point much to the amusement of everyone else)

9. Not having to wear my hair up all weekend. Letting it hang freeeeeee.
10. My sister....and her ridiculous face.
11. Lolly pop. In a box.
12. These two guys again.
13. Everyone anticipating disaster when Lolly took a liking to Ben's glass of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey whiskey. Thankfully she didn't knock it over.
She just wanted to try is all. FOMO. YOLO.
14. Seeing the boys squished up in the back of my sisters little car. Let's just say that they all knew each other much better after that journey back from the pub!
15. And lastly, selfies with my Dad whilst in town. I'm thinking this picture is wins the internet today, don't you???

A few thoughts on it being officially 'that' time of year

4 December 2013

It's officially Christmas.

The tree is up, the presents are starting to collect under the tree and the mulled wine is being slurped. Sitting here all snuggled up with my two boys watching my favourite film (LoTR of course) I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by how grateful I am for everything in my life. The big things, the little things, the good things and the not so good things. The struggles, the growing pains, the hurt and upset...I'm especially grateful for these things. It's all there for a reason, all part of the journey and I'm loving the woman I'm becoming. It's starting to feel like coming home.

As I'm sitting here looking around me I'm thinking about the fact that this will be the last Christmas we have in this little home of ours. Instead of being anxious about the change and the newness that next year will bring (in all areas of our lives), I'm making sure that I keep on grounding myself in the present. Bringing myself back to the here and now. This exact moment. Breathing into those feelings and always bringing myself back to gratitude.

So that's what I'm doing this Christmas.
Being grateful. Being in wonder of this whole journey.
Breathing deep and keeping things easy and spacious.

What are you doing this Christmas to keep things good and easy in your world??

Confession time - hoping the boredom of this day fades away soon

29 November 2013

^^ I've worn pretty much the same outfit every day this week and i'm not even remotely ashamed about it. Leggings, t-shirt, Ben's jumper, comfy boots, blue scarf, purple gloves, white bobble hat. The only things I've swapped out are the essentials; underwear and a new pair of funky leggings every few days. Keeping things simple around these parts at the moment, after all I wear it only for the commute.
^^ Wishing that I had done even juts a little bit of yoga last night instead of stuff my face with Domino's and then falling straight asleep on the sofa.
^^ Realising that my handwriting changes with every single fucking pen. Does wonders for my OCD.
^^ Seeing this on my walk this morning brought a tear to my eye. and made me send out love to all those people I wouldn't want to live without.
^^ I found a pair of pants in my drawer this morning that I've had for about 6 years. I remember wearing them in college which means that pants are going on my Christmas list. Pronto. Oh, and I chucked them away, don't you worry.
^^ Wishing I hadn't said the last one. You probably all think I'm gross now.
^^ Needing a hair cut. REALLY BAD and wishing that I could be even just a little bit bothered to go and get one.
^^ Knowing that I won't be bothered until my hair reaches that critical hot mess stage.
^^ Seeing this picture on my way to work and realising that this was not going to be how my day goes. The only shit I got done this morning was full of stupidity. Putting blusher on just one cheek, dropping my powder brush into the wet sink, getting mascara on my nose.
^^ Hoping that my sister will do some yoga with me this weekend when I'm back home visiting her. And then hoping that she will give me a pedicure with her fancy pants UV gel kit for nails thing (yes, that's the technical term for it). I'm mostly holding out for the yoga though (there's nothing better than having a yoga buddy to giggle with and keep things fun!)
^^ Talking of yoga buddies... I met some gorgeous ladies (Charlotte , Lottie & Becca - go stalk them, they're fab) the other night for some drinks in Balham and next week we're becoming official 'yoga buddies'. Having internet blog friends who are just as awesome in 'real life' is the best.

London town, space and talk of silence.

27 November 2013

I love London. It's my home. My place. The resting outer space of my soul. I will never not love London but lately I've started to feel a change taking place with how I feel about it. A subtle shift in what I'm looking to have more of in my life. What I really desire.
More space. More fresh air. More outdoors. More silence.
And all those things? They don't exactly flow with abundance here in London.
It's been a fleeting sense of claustrophobia that I've been feeling. The over crowding, the pollution, the rudeness, the rushing. It impacts slowly and subtly over time. And it's been nearly five years now. I'm feeling the impact. More and more.
Don't get me wrong, I still get those moments of awe-struck wonderment looking out over the twinkling city on my way home and I really do feel so incredibly lucky.
But it doesn't feel enough anymore. I used to feel that wonderment all the time. Now I just want to have more space. Space, space. It always come back to space.
More space to explore, to take walks, to feel the quiet. What a dream it would be to be able to practice yoga outside...not to be disturbed by a busy main road, honking horns, commuters on their morning runs, foxes scavenging in bin bags. To just be and move in the quiet. 
But London will be in our story for a few years yet. It fits for now, it fits us just fine. It's where I need to explore the next chapter of my life; teaching yoga, writing, building my dream from the ground up, spending time with Ben before a family comes along.
The unease, that disquieting feeling I get... it's definitely there to remind me what I am aiming for. And aim I will.
photo 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8

This post entails me talking about love. Boys, you might wanna skip this one.

26 November 2013

Love means something different for everyone.

To me, love is that feeling when I met Ben nearly three years ago on our first date. I knew by the end of our first date that I would be the luckiest girl in the world if he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I've never in my life been so excited by a first date.

It's accidentally saying those three words by accident, in a shopping centre, over the pick n' mix stand, in front of one of his friends. Embarassed doesn't really cover it.

It's him starting the sweetest conversation in the car on the way back (sans friend) about how he really likes me but wants to say it when he really really really feels it. I've never fallen deeper for anyone over one little conversation.

It's him saying 'I love you' for the first time on holiday two months later.

It's still being able to make each other laugh now as much as we did on that first holiday.

It's looking over to him as I'm writing this and asking what he thinks my flaws are and for him to look up and answer honestly. Something about chocolate, being a Princess and over controlling at times.

It's him still thinking that I look cute when I get home and take all my make-up off, put yoga pants on and look very much like a hot mess.
But most of all, love is having that person there for you unconditionally, regardless of all your flaws and shortcomings and love of yoga clothes. He makes me feel perfect. Perfect for him and our sometimes crazy, sometimes lazy and sometimes over controlled life together.
In the end that's all that matters.
*This post was actually written nearly a year ago(!!) and posted over on the gorgeous Rachel's blog, I discovered it in my blog folder today so I thought I'd share it over here too as I'm feeling pretty grateful to have someone like Ben in my life at the moment.

The time I made too much food.

25 November 2013

Some days I think I have this whole 'grown up' shit down to a tee and then other days it's pretty evident that I really don't. 
Take this evening for example. I was given the pretty simple task of making mash potato for dinner. In the past I've always relied on Aunt Bessie's frozen mash but as I'm really working on making proper meals now (self care ya know) and the fact that I'm not 18 anymore meant that I was going to have a crack at it. After all, it's not fucking rocket science. Apparently. 

Here is where I am just going to point out three things to you:
1. It's Monday. I don't function at anywhere near full capacity on a Monday. 
2. I had just got in from work. On a Monday. In the Winter. I'm not a fan of Winter either. 
3. It's Monday. I don't function at anywhere near full capacity on a Monday. 

Now that's all clear, back to what I was saying...
Making mash. 
I start off by washing the potatoes - that's always a good place to start, dirty little things. I then ring my Mum to ask her how she makes her mash (I always ring my Mum when I need advice) and she runs me through it and I re-think "that's pretty simple" so I start doing as she says. I chop a few up potatoes and plonk them in the pan full of cold water. 
As I'm about to put the hob on I think back to my childhood and how much I used to hate the texture of potato peel when I had to put it in the bin (I always got the best jobs) and how nice it is that I don't have to do that job anymore. 
Perks of being the adult.
And then it dawns on me.

I haven't had to put the gross slimy potato peel in the bin BECAUSE I HAVEN'T PEELED THEM.

So I ring my Mum back and double check. 
"Do I absolutely HAVE to peel the potatoes??"
The laugh that cackles down the phone for the next five minutes says it all. The woman can barely speak from laughing. 
So that's where I found myself this evening; scooping potatoes back out of the pan to peel them and then put all of that gross peel in the bin...feeling rather unaccomplished about my life. 
The mash was bloody delicious though in the end. 
Definitely worth the crisis of confidence. 

SIDE NOTE: I made about four times the amount of mash we needed. Something about me using most of the bag of potatoes for just two of us. Monday's slay me. 

Aw, isn't he such a cutie??

24 November 2013

This post has no point whatsoever. It's literally just pictures of Goblin and I'm totally 100% okay with that. 
Hope you've all enjoyed your Sundays! 

Yoga with my two favourite boys

22 November 2013

After what seems like weeks of Ben complaining of a sore back and neck I finally got him on the mat last night to remedy that situation with some yoga. We cleared space in the lounge, put out our mats, got settled in and then started to move. We did this routine to warm up and stretch out and then this routine to really get into our backs.
Half way through our practice Goblin decided that enough was enough and he needed some attention. After sprawling out on the back of my mat for a while he decided it was probably best to move to the front after I accidentally booted him in the face. What on earth did he expect. This moving started the game of trying to catch our incredibly elusive fingers. Oh to be a cat and satisfied with such simple things!
Once he had had enough of nibbling us he took a well deserved rest from all the yoga and spent the rest of the evening looking like something out of a horror film. Just look at those eyes, terrifying huh?